Long time, no think.

Well, I had seven weeks off work to try and sort my stress levels out. I hate the term stressed. I think because it is so widely used now and I also feel I don't qualify to be stressed the term just grates on me. I returned to work about 6 weeks ago, although it obviously feels like I was never away. I asked to cut my hours by 5 which was agreed and still hasn't happened even though it was one of my terms for returning to work, In fairness I haven't really pushed the issue, one because the ward manager is a bit scary and two because I'm aware of how short staffed we are! I will eventually. Dexter is doing OK. I've been waiting in the wings really, preparing for something that hasn't come yet. He stopped taking his antipsychotic about 2 months ago. He didn't reduce them and wasn't advised to stop taking them by his psychiatrist (we've not seen her since last year as she's been off and the hospital have cancelled the appointment 4 times, so not had an opportunity to see her yet). This was Dexter's decision, he felt he wasn't benefiting from taking the medication and wanted to see if not taking it would be any different. He waited until he'd settled after the bad episodes he was having and just stopped taking them (against my advice of reducing them slowly, what do I know though, I'm just a nurse). He had a period of really bad nightmares initially after stopping the medication but in all honesty there has been no significant if any difference to what he has always been experiencing whilst on the medication. The noise is always there as it was before, he still has visual hallucinations and still continues to be spaced out on occasion. His sleep pattern is as it was, which is sleep one night, not the next. In terms of being completely delusional, this hasn't happened since coming off the medication......yet. I'm aware that this may happen again. His anxiety levels are the same (quite high) but he seems to be pushing the boundaries a little more with attempting to go out further a field (not just the shops at the end of the road) and he's had some great news that he may be entitled to a grant to start studying. If anything the main change I have seen is that he is doing more. This could be that the medication had a sedative effect and now he's not taking it he feels he can do more. It's still early days really but things feel a little more predictable. He continues to take his antidepressant and I think he will as when he misses one dose of this he gets a severe migraine and can't function at all for that day and his thoughts become very jumbled. I think it has probably been the antidepressant doing all the work all this time.

He continues to wait for therapy, the referral was sent in March. He is a little apprehensive about this and I understand why. It's a difficult one really. This feels like one of the only services available left that can help him. And in all honesty I don't really have any faith that it will (it feels like misguided faith anyway). I want it to and hope for it to but I just think Dexter will not respond to it. His main personality trait is thinking, he's thought about everything, analysed it, thought about it again, come up with his own conclusions and always wins an argument. If a question is presented to Dexter he responds instantly with an articulate well thought out question provoking response. He can also be extremely light hearted and like a child sometimes like all men. But when on form I feel he'll stump whoever is trying to give the therapy. We've talked about it a few times and he wants it to help him, like I say, It feels like the only service left that offers help without him having to try and work out how to do everything for himself as he has done for 2 years now. He wants advice and help to deal with his own mind. He is completely open minded about it now, so I just hope the therapist is with Dexter.

Well after not writing for a long time that will do for now.