My Musings for this week

OK, this week has been bizarre. A little bit of a roller coaster ride that has posed many questions along the way, which I've explored to find the answer for. This feeling has stemmed from a lack of routine and structure. But has been worth taking the time out for.

To explain............

Again, Dexter and I have not had much sleep this week. I'm not really sure exactly why, other than just not being tired. This could be accounted for by many people in many different ways. But to me, it appears it was needed. During our time awake we've searched the net, we've eaten, I went to the shops at 9.45pm to get milk and bread, we've smoked, fed the cats and done nothing.

The net time was interesting. I registered for second life, explored a few hours on that. I stumbled web pages and I looked at my usual check-in sites (gmail, bank, rss feeds, facebook). Second life, that was interesting as it's a world I haven't, until now, looked at and used. It needs the next technology to come along before it can fulfil it's potential, I think. But it is an interesting concept that raises many questions about future social interaction and technology, which is a huge part of our lives now and affects our daily living. My usual suspects of rss feeds also shone a light into the virtual world of real life issues (a contradiction in itself if you take the definitive meaning of that statement). Exploring the two worlds for answers to your daily questions can get messy for the brain, especially with sleep deprivation.

The other side to the exploration was, we weren't asleep, why.......? Then the guilt that I should be making sure Dexter and I have a routine, that the house is clean, the washing is done, the bills are being paid, that we need to go shopping to get some food in. But they're thoughts and feelings that I would get if I had paid 100% attention to those aspects of daily life. So stuff it, not being completely in touch with the reality we usually conform to needs to happen sometimes, even when you have responsibilities.

There is another aspect to the days just gone bye, communication with friends and family whilst you're out of the routine. It's generally avoided by me. But I have had some good communications with people this week. I've been invited out to two separate events, my brothers girlfriend has checked in on me with a text, explaining my brothers lack of communication (he's shy and doesn't want to intrude, he's also got his own worries & concerns in life) which I know. And I had a couple of hours of trying to find out some information regarding high security institutions, for my benefit as knowledge is always good to have about these things and to hopefully find a way to help someone else. To my surprise it worked, I found some information passed it on and It felt great to find out I'd been able to provide support.

Support at the moment is something I've been trying to give to Dexter. I offer emotional support but then I'm not experiencing what he is, so it's difficult for it to have much meaning or relevance for him. So I try and look for practical support. The problem is I can't get rid of the voices, the nightmares and the anxiety that comes with this, I can't force him to sleep or to eat (thankfully his appetite is good) and I can't really find answers as to what I can do to help. This is frustrating and well, you feel extremely helpless. I have been looking into nutrition and ways I can help to balance his intake of whatever he needs, again, this is quite the task. What to believe? Is omega 3 and 6 the way to go? more fat less carbs? Vitamin D3? And what actually does Dexter need physically, are his levels too high or too low? I'm continuing my research in this area and will find some answers but in the mean time Dexter continues to battle with the voices and isn't able to sleep and feels pretty crap and I can't do anything other than reassure and try to provide some balance.